My mind is no longer clouded by excess food
By OA Member, Jun 30 2015 09:15PM
My name is Julie and I am a recovering compulsive overeater. My addiction to food started when I was 3. For as long as I can remember I always got comfort from food. When my emotions and life were bothering me I would use food to block out the pain. Throughout my childhood I used more and more food, I just felt I never had enough. I never liked sharing food, my disease progressed, my mood was low and I felt sad and lonely a lot. I never understood why I felt this way. I could honestly say I never knew what it felt like to have contentment. Throughout my teenage years and early twenties my disease changed. I was very unhappy about my self-image and the thought of seeing my reflection disgusted me. I rarely ate breakfast. In the afternoons I would eat very little and as soon as it was night time I would binge eat. Some days I would feel a lot of shame about the amount of food I had consumed and then I would try and control the food. I never had the willpower to stop eating sugar once I’d started. I always ate way past the point of feeling full. Diets never worked, I would start on a Monday and by the evening I would be back binging again. I would see my friends sticking to diets and healthy food plans. I could never do it. My disease wears many different masks. It can seep out into all different areas of my life. My whole life I used food, drugs, shopping and cleaning to make myself feel better about the person I was. I searched outside of myself for the answers. None of them worked. My life became more unmanageable and out of control.
Today my life is very different. When I came into Overeaters Anonymous I learned that I had a disease called compulsive eating. As I heard other members share their experience I identified with their stories and began to feel a part of the group. To me this gave me a sense of peace. For the first time ever my food behaviours all made sense. I realised that I could not do this alone. All my life I had been trying to manage my eating disorder. With the help of the overeater anonymous fellowship I am learning a new way to live. My whole attitude and perception of life has changed. My food plan is 3 meals a day. To me this is a miracle and has transformed everything. Today I have a real sense of peace and serenity, my mind is no longer clouded by excess food. I am forever grateful to OA and its members.