Our Stories

Hi my name is Jim, I am a compulsive overeater and bulimic. I am abstinent today and since my last meeting. I have a problem around food, my problem is that I love it too much. Since I was a toddler I have been given food as a treat. I went to boarding school when I was quite young. While I was there I also found that when I was down I could turn to food and it would be a comfort to me. The first time this occurred was when my parents left me there to go overseas. I went up to my dorm, sat in bed and cried eating the box of tuck while reading some comics.

In school it was “normal” to have seconds at dinner and desert. As I got older I would also try and get thirds. After school we would go into the town to get chips, there was also sweets and chocolate. The weight didn’t go on too much because I played a lot of sports and also exercised. But at the same time as I played rugby it gave me an excuse to put on some weight and not feel too guilty.

After I left school I didn’t know how to eat properly and found myself bingeing on chocolate bars and not eating regular meals. I found that my weight yo-yoed and that is when I started some of my dieting. During this phase I tried different diets. The water diet was where for several weeks I would only drink water in conjunction with vitamin pills. There was the grapefruit diet where I would eat half a grapefruit for breakfast and lunch, and then I would have a main course of cereal for dinner. I have tried different slimming shakes, wraps, and diet pills. As with all of the things I attempted, I initially lost loads of weight. I used to check my weight many times in the day. The buzz I got when losing weight was huge, but when I found that I was still starving myself and the weight wasn’t going down, I was very angry with myself and the world.

My bulimia started around exercising, I found that I could eat a lot of food and keep my weight fairly okay by over-exercising. This was fine whilst I was able to do this, but I had a bad car accident that left me unable to walk for several months. The weight piled on, with this came the self-pity and my depression. This gave me the excuse I needed to go into my other addiction. I am a compulsive gambler. The two addictions complimented each other.

At this time I was gambling all day. When I was gambling there wasn’t enough time to eat. When I came home in the evening I used to be depressed and this would lead to me bingeing mainly on different types of cereals. This could go on for the whole night with purging in between the bingeing. One day I got food poisoning, where I lost ¾ of a stone over a couple of days. I thought that this was brilliant and as I was naïve regarding laxatives, I decided to give myself food poisoning again so that I could lose more weight. I did this five times, the last incident making me violently ill.

At the end the two addictions led to a suicide attempt on the 16th June 2000. I admitted myself into hospital for depression. I hated myself and had no interest in living. Five weeks later I left there and went into a treatment centre to be treated for my gambling. It was there that I found the will to live.

It was also there that the seed was sown regarding my overeating. One day I was listening in a group therapy session to someone sharing about their problems regarding food. I was surprised because I understood what that person was feeling, whereas everyone else struggled to identify with the story. After the group session I went up to the councillor and told her about my binges on cereals, but when she told me that I would have to give up this trigger food I decided that she wasn’t going to hear about any of my other problem foods.

A year later in aftercare, someone was sharing about how they were controlling their food through another fellowship. I wanted to tell her that she was wrong and that if you had a problem with drink you go to AA, with gambling GA, with food OA and so on, but I couldn’t because I was doing exactly the same thing.

The next night I went to my first OA meeting. I felt strange being there, but that day I had emptied my car of sweet papers and it had filled up 2 ½ black sacks so I realised I was in the right place. In the meeting I found that people were telling my story. I left the meeting elated. I wasn’t a weirdo, I wasn’t weak-willed. I found out in my first meeting that I had an illness that thousands of other people have.

I have been abstinent since my first meeting, “One day at a time” and I am grateful to all the members who give me the help that I need to keep this addiction at bay. The people in the rooms help each other in order to help themselves. For today I am very happy, I am not paranoid and I don’t get panic attacks anymore. Overeaters Anonymous has given me a choice today, that no matter what happens to me I do not have to run and hide from my feelings.

Jim,33